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Tuesday, March 29, 2016

A Bubby's Prayers -- as appeared in the Bina



Have any of you heard of Sir Nicholas Winton? A British businessman, during the Holocaust he succeeded in saving the lives of over 650 Jewish children by bringing them to England under the very noses of the Nazis, in what is commonly known as the Kindertransport. An unassuming individual, his noble deed most probably would have remained unknown except that one day, some sixty years after the war, his wife decided to clean out the junk in the attic. She discovered an old-looking box containing lists of names with their personal details. When she asked her husband about it, he responded that they were just names. But she was persistent, until finally he told her that the list contained the names of all the children he had saved during the war, but that it was nothing extraordinary; anyone would have done the same.


Mrs. Winton arranged a surprise evening to honor her husband’s heroism. The majority of people invited were “Winton’s children,” that she had somehow (and it was not an easy feat) managed to track down, men and women who owed their lives to his heroism. It was an emotional reunion, and Mr. Winton was awestruck as he looked around the room at the children, now adults and heads of families, that he had saved and realized the momentous impact of his actions. One of the people whose life he saved is Harav Yitzchak Tuvia Weiss, shlita, Gaavad of the Eidah Hacharedis in Yerushalayim, a true amud of Torah and yiras Shamayim. I am sure there are many other Torah scholars and ehrlicher Yidden who owe their lives to Winton’s heroism. 


After hearing this story, I decided to do a bit of research, to learn what would compel a wealthy businessman to risk his career, and even more so, his very life, to save innocent Jewish children. What zechus did he have to play a part in bringing about the revival of Torah from the ashes? I discovered that although the world viewed Nicholas as a gentile, and even he considered himself a gentile, he was, in fact, a Jew. His parents had converted to Catholicisam at the turn of the century, when they emigrated from Germany to London. To remove all traces of their Jewish roots, they Anglicized their name and raised their son as a gentile.


But despite his very non-Jewish upbringing and name, Nicholas, was, in fact a Jew, a precious Yiddishe neshamah forcefully severed from his people. And like every Jewish child, he most probably had a Jewish bubby, and bubbies are known to daven for their grandchildren.


I can only imagine the tears his bubby shed as she beseeched the One Above that her precious grandchild somehow discover that spark of Yiddishkeit that exists within every Jew and reconnect to his heritage. And although her prayers were not answered in the way that she had hoped, perhaps, it is in the zechus of her tefillos that her grandson found the courage to save so many Yiddishe children, and in doing so, to have a share in bringing so much light of Torah to the world.


Of course, it would be presumptuous of me to try to understand Hashem’s ways, and no one can really ever know why Nicholas merited to accomplish what he did. But one thing I do know: Bubbies (and zeidies and mommies and tatties) daven for their children – and Hashem answers their tefillos, although sometimes in ways that we may never fathom.


We just have to keep on davening.


This year, on zos Chanukah, one of my einekelach turned three. Together with his parents and siblings (as well as a couple of cousins and a set of mechutanim thrown in for good measure) we made the arduous journey to Meiron for the chalakah. It was a mini Lag B’Omer, with lots of music, dancing, and of course, tearful tefillah.


I noticed a nine-year-old granddaughter observing me as I davened. When I finished, I called her over and showed her the list of family members that I keep on me (in case I have a “senior moment”). “Look,” I said, pointing to her name on the list. “Here’s your name, together with your mommy’s name. That’s because Bubby davens for you every single day, just like I daven for all my children and grandchildren.”


She didn’t seem moved. Actually, she couldn’t wait to run away from me as quickly as possible to get back to her cousins. But I felt that it was important to impress on her the fact that I daven for her. I want her to know that no matter what might happen down the line, where she ends up in her life, her bubby will always be there for her, storming the Heavenly Throne on her behalf.


My cell phone rang as we were about to board the minibus to return home. Mazel tov, my daughter had just given birth to a little girl! Amidst all the laughter, hugging and joyous commotion, that same granddaughter came up to me and asked the one question that really weighed on her mind: “Bubby, are you also going to daven for the new baby?”


“Of course I will, shefela, just like I daven for you, and your sisters, and all my precious grandchildren.”


Her entire face lit up. Then she skipped back to her cousins.


She understood.

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Keeping it All Together - as appeared in Binah

This year, as every year, our annual Chanukah party was a humongous affair. Dozens of grandchildren of all ages, together with their parents, somehow managed to squeeze themselves into our tiny apartment (reminiscent of how, in the early 60s, college students would try to see how many teens could fit into a telephone booth). They filled every nook and cranny, leaving a thick trail of sufganiyot crumbs and sticky jelly- covered fingerprints.

Ah, the beauty of family. Thirty-three years ago, when my husband and I started our lives together, it was just the two of us, (plus the six small children we were bringing into this new marriage), and no extended family . My children felt disadvantaged. ll their friends were members of large, cohesive clans that got together regularly for cousins’ bar mitzvah celebrations, family melaveh malkah, weddings, and, of course, Chanukah parties and Purim seudos. At school, discussion in the school yard often centered on the details of these gatherings, and since most of the children were somehow related, there were lots of private family jokes and reminiscing.

Today, when my children talk about those years, there is an undercurrent of bitterness at having been different. Yes, of course, they understand that no one was at fault — one can’t create instant family — yet they lack those wonderful, sweet memories of cousins getting together.

This is why I try so hard to keep the family together, to find reasons to celebrate, to make sure that my einekelach have a strong attachment to our personal link in the golden chain of mesorah leading back to Har Sinai.

It’s not always easy. Our family certainly doesn’t fit into any niche. We’re a pretty eclectic bunch. Chassidim, Misnagdim, Kena’im, Chabadnikim; we have representatives in every camp. On Pesach, some of us won’t touch gebrochts or machine matzos, while for others, that’s their main staple. As for head gear, to each his own hat or shtreimel or sheitel or turban or whatever. To tell you the truth, to me, those externals are really not important, as long as it’s al pi halachah.

Then, of course, my children are extremely busy raising beautiful, large families, (MY einekelach, bli ayin hora), while at the same time working full time, making bar mitzvahs, weddings, taking kids to dentists and somehow even finding time to purchase new shoes. So scheduling a time that everyone – or at least all those “everyones” living within a two-hour drive of my house – can get together is a major challenge. 

But I do it. I make the effort because I see how important it is for my grandchildren’s sense of identity. I watch the cousins huddle in a corner, whispering together, sharing secrets, and then producing plays and choirs for the adults, and I realize that I am giving them the greatest gift – the gift of belonging to a large, cohesive family unit, feeling the tangible achdus of Klal Yisrael, of being part of something much greater than themselves.  
In addition to our grand family gatherings, I arrange times for just the siblings and their spouses, to get together for a melaveh malkah or just plain middle of the week, no special occasion meal. No special reason, that is, except that family is family. And family is important.

Once or twice a year, I make a “mothers’ retreat” for my daughters and daughters-in- law, plus any nursing babies. Basically, it’s a slumber party, where no one sleeps and the “girls” end up giggling half the night! Last year, we sat in a deserted park until three in the morning, drinking ice coffees and having a blast. When we returned home, I collapsed into my bed and within minutes was sound asleep. But although “the girls” were officially safely ensconced in their blankets, the talking, and occasional shrieks of laughter or outbursts of song continued until the morning.

And then there’s the cousin camps, where girls of the same general age group come to Bubby’s house for a couple of days of fun. We close all the lights, place candles on the living room floor and have a kumsitz; we wake up in the predawn hours to catch the bus to kever Rachel; we visit chashuve Rebbetzins and gain from their insights. I let the girls prepare an entire Shabbos together, and then, when they all leave, I collapse! My husband tells me that I should stop exerting myself like this, but I explain to him that although I’m totally exhausted and feeling horrific, it is completely worth it. That’s because watching my family be together is one of my biggest sources of nachas.


 And I’m a bubby, and bubbies are supposed to have nachas!